“she was not without hope,

she bought a double bed,”

that little poem by Ruth Herstein

was my mantra when i loved andrew

except I’d bought a captain’s bed instead

the biggest of the big

andrew was big

6’ 4” and nearly 400 lbs

everyone loved him in spite of it

or because of it

andrew with the flamboyant bird tats

engulfing his arms

his chest

god knows where else

he was a Harvard grad and proud of it

photographic memory

read everything

and remembered

could’ve made more money than Jeopardy’s

Ken Jennings or James Holzhauer


andrew was the only man i ever loved

enough to want to marry

i tried for 7 yrs

to get him to love me back

“you know I’m gay,” he said

      “so what, so am i.”

“i’m just not in love with you.”

“in” being the operative word

i remember when he said that

so flat


he loved me

but not like that

matter of fact

i didn’t love him like that either but



               so what?

Chocolate Waters is a continuously evolving radical feminist poet and celebrant of the new power of the feminine. She began performing her work in the mid 70's and has toured throughout the U.S. and parts of Canada. Her first three books of poetry are considered classics of the Second Wave, and her latest book, the woman who wouldn’t shake hands, was published by Poets Wear Prada (Hoboken, NJ). She currently conducts the Poetry Circle for senior writers at Hamilton House in Manhattan. Her latest book, Bittersweet Resurrection, (Eggplant Press, NYC) will be released in 2020. You can see what she’s up to at Friend her on Facebook (she always welcomes more friends).